Finding Yourself in Motherhood

There is something about motherhood and being a new mom or mom to young kids that I have heard a lot, and have experienced myself. It seems that along the way of becoming a mother, we somehow lose ourselves. We so often try so hard to give everything to everyone else; our children, our spouses, our jobs, our friends, and often we forget that we can’t give if we’re not taking care of ourselves. A friend of mine recommended the book Grace Not Perfection to me, and while I haven’t finished it yet, it has already spoken to me a lot. It often gets a little bit too Jesus-y for me (and if that’s your thing, awesome!), but the underlying message is so important - we can’t give from an empty cup.

Since becoming a mom, I have been running myself ragged. It has affected my mental health, my relationships, my organization and upkeep at home, literally everything in life. I am running on empty and still trying to give, and it is not sustainable. A few weeks ago I laid it all bare to my husband; I need time for me. I wasn’t quite sure what I wanted to do, but I knew I needed time away from the house just for me. I wasn’t trying to be petty, but I did the math, and my husband gets eight hours of his own time every single week! I’ve been pouring for an empty cup for a while, and it’s time to fill it back up. Read on for my suggestions of how to fill up your cup and rediscover yourself in motherhood!

Take a class

Whether you like yoga, dance, spin, or want to go to a bootcamp class, find a class to get your body moving. Exercise in any form is so important for body, mind, and soul, and taking that time to nourish your body in a physical way is so incredibly important. Look into outdoor classes now that the weather is getting better, or check out groupon for deals on a bootcamp class or yoga series. As moms we are often climbed all over, sat on, and squished to the edge of the bed - treat yourself to some time to stretch and move your body with freedom!

Listen to Music You Love

There is nothing like music to feed the soul. I have always loved music; I’m sure my mom could spend forever venting about the hours and hours I shook the house with my loud music as a pre-teen and teen. When I got my first car, I loved rolling the windows down and blasting my jams. When Jack was first born, I really tried to listen to music with him often, but these days he just wants The Wheels on the Bus on repeat, and I rarely get a chance to listen to my own music. I’ve realized how important listening to the music I love is, though, and I am making and effort to put aside the audio books and podcasts and just spend some time listening to music these days.

Join a Club

There are all kinds of social clubs out there - sports, books, crochet, theater, whatever you like! Search your local community pages, or do what I did and start one yourself. My book club meets once a month, and it is a day I look forward to every single month. We spend about twenty minutes discussing the book, and hours talking about life, telling stories, and laughing until literally two in the morning. The next day can certainly be rough since we meet during the week, but let me tell you, the joy it brings is worth trudging tiredly through the day. If reading isn’t your thing, look for adult sports clubs, knitting or crocheting clubs, craft clubs, whatever floats your boat. They’re out there, or you can be the one to start it and bring people together to do something they love.

Treat Yourself to Lunch

Just you. By yourself. Whether you bring a book to read, listen to your music, or just people watch, give yourself some time to treat yourself to lunch and just revel in yourself. You can take this time to plan out your week, evaluate your goals, pay your bills, organize your email, anything, really. But sometimes it’s just nice to have lunch with yourself, reflect on things, and have a nice meal that you don’t have to share with a tiny person.

Read a Book

I get a little crazy with reading, and challenge myself to read so much. I also can read more than one book at a time; I keep a book in my work bag, a book on my nightstand, and always have an audiobook I’m listening to. If you can’t commit to this many books, that’s not a problem, stick to one. Whether it’s an audiobook, or a book you keep on your nightstand, just spend 15-20 minutes a day listening or reading to your book. I really try to listen to a variety of things, from romance, historical fiction, memoirs, self-help, I think they are all important. But if you only like one type of book, stick to that. Challenge yourself to read five books this year. Once you get into the swing of things, you will be back to reading and enjoying it in no time!

Spend Time With Your Girlfriends

While it’s nice that my husband and I host “Sunday Funday” (almost) every week, sometimes you just need girlfriends time. There is just something so vital to well-being when it comes to spending time with your girlfriends and chatting, whether over coffee or drinks, on the phone, or during a walk, for me, it’s a way to work through things, laugh, and get insight into life.

Schedule Time For Yourself

This is the most important item on this list; schedule this time into your week! You can constantly tell yourself that you’re going to do things for yourself, but if you don’t schedule it into your week, you will easily fall into the habit of finding reasons not to do these things. Obviously you have to work this time out with your parter or support system, but it is so important to have this time for yourself to do what you want. Also, try not to do errands during this time! You’re always running errands or making mental notes of errands that you need to run, try to really make this time about you.

Putting it Into Practice

So, how am I putting these things into practice? My husband and I have agreed that since he gets Sunday morning for hockey (he leaves the house at 7:30am and gets home between 11-12:00) I get Saturday morning for myself. I have found a great Saturday morning yoga class. I blast my music on my way there and on my way home. I treat myself to lunch after yoga class (I am currently sitting in Panera bread) and have decided that this will be my time to work on the blog and get all my posts scheduled for the week so I don’t have to squeeze it into everything I do during the week. I have my book club that meets once a month, but stays in touch through facebook throughout the month sharing jokes, memes, and interesting tidbits related to books. I have a group chat with two of my BFF’s where we can just vent even though we’ve rarely seen each other in the past few years.

I get if none of these suggestions speak to you - maybe you need to schedule time to go for a hike, maybe you need to go sit in a park and journal or write poetry. Maybe you want to go listen to poetry or just people watch in a park while enjoying the sun on your face. Whatever you need, schedule that time in for yourself!!

Through these small steps, I feel that I am slowly finding myself again. I forgot how much I love yoga, and I’m realizing how much I miss a good stretch (and also how much flexibility I’ve lost over the past few years!). I’ve forgotten how happy listening to good music makes me. I love sitting down and sharing my thoughts on the books I read and motherhood and my gardening and things I do with Jack or things we do as a family, it’s just been so hard to find the time. And sometimes I just need time by myself, to not be mom and just be Maura. It is so important to find yourself again and remember you are more than just Mom. You are a whole person that has likes and preferences and a personality all to themselves.

What are the ways you have found to get back to yourself as you navigate motherhood? What things do you miss and want to get back into? Do you need help finding or starting a club to join??! Share your thoughts in the comments below!